Kickin It Mookie Style

All of that graduating and moving on stuff has scared the bejeezus out me for the most part.

I tried talking with psychiatrists and even using some meditation to cure my anxiety by neither of those worked. Down to my last straw, I figured my one chance was to try visiting a psychic. And if that didn’t work, I figured I’d probably curl into a ball in my parents basement, arousing only for cartons of Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia flavored ice cream.

Needless to say, because of the implications involved, I wanted the best psychic money could buy. None of that Miss Cleo rip-off stuff, just the real thing, money as no limitation. So looked in my yellow pages and found a nice looking listing for a woman named Madam Mae.

After finding a parking space, I walked into the headquarters more nervous than a horse in a glue factory. Imagine my reaction then, when the first thing I noticed was Mae was not a Madam at all but instead a man with a cloak over his head that looked remarkably similar to Hall of Fame Cardinals shortstop Ozzie Smith.

“I guess you Madam Mae?” I asked the Ozzie look alike.

“Mae’s out with a bladder infection today, pretty sick in fact,” replied the cloaked man. “I’ll be filling in for her today.”

Not really sure what to think. I decided there was no turning back now and took a seat at a crystal ball crested table.

“What should I call you?” I inquired to my psychic.

“Well,” he said, “most people just call me the Wizard.”

You’ve got to be kidding me, I laughed to myself. Ozzie Smith is giving me a psychic reading?! Excited at this thought, I went on.

“I was wondering, um, if you could help me with this problem I have,” I asked the baseball star.

“Well I guess that depends on what your problem is… What’s the story?”

“It’s that I’m graduating high school really soon and I just am kind of scared about what is going to happen in my future.”

“I see. You’ve come to the right place.”

“Great,” I told the wizard.

“So what questions do you have for me?”

“Well there’s just so many I don’t even know where to begin. Like one second I’m excited about graduating and the next I’m depressed about having to leave this era of my life,” I said, pausing for a second to think. “I guess first of all I wanna know if I’m gonna enjoy my college life at Mizzou?”

The Wizard looked into his crystal ball for a second and then back at me. “Well that sort of depends on you,” he said. “If you set goals for yourself and push to get them then you’ll have a successful college life. And even if you don’t push yourself you’ll still probably have a pretty good time, I mean Quinn Snyder is a great coach. I have visions of great Mizzou basketball teams for years to come.”

“Ok,” I said picturing Snyder’s awful haircut, “but, like, what goals should I be shooting for.”

“It’s not the goals you choose that matter but simply reaching them. If you choose to be a lawyer and you reach your goal, you’ll have and equally as fulfilling a life as if you choose, say being a Jiffy Lube mechanic, or a pimp. Life is whatever you make of it.”

“So your saying I’m going to be a pimp? … Sweet!” I said.

“Well, not exactly,” said the Wiz. “Other questions?”

“Actually I’m pretty confused on… well basically, love.”

“What do you mean?”

“I dunno how to explain it. Like, what should I do about the girl I love, I guess. And, well, I can’t really describe it,” I told him.

“I certainly can’t give you the answer in your particular situation, but when it comes to love, lemme tell you there’s nothing more important in the world than it. I don’t just mean girls — I mean anything. Be it, loving a football team, or art, or music, whatever it happens to be, the more love you have in your life, the happier you’ll be.”

“I see,” I said.

“As far as girls go,” the Wizard went on, just remember to treat a woman you love like a baseball glove.”

“You mean rub oil over her and keep her clean?” I said sarcastically.

“No, make sure you take good care of your glove so when a tough grounder comes it will be there for you. You and your glove experience the game together, there is no tighter bond than that.”

First pimps, and now a metaphor about a baseball glove, it was obvious that since leaving baseball, Ozzie had gone a little nuts.

“Also,” the wizard added, “behind every great man, you’ll find a great woman.”

“I guess that answers my question,” I told him. Just then a phone in the back corner of the room rang. The Wizard picked it up and had a minute-long conversation with someone. When he hung up the phone he turned and looked at me.

“I’m sorry, but I have to go,” he told me. “My agent said I’m late for an appearance.”

“Wait, there’s a lot more I have to ask you,” I explained quite annoyed.

The Wizard went to the back and came back out carrying a jacket and a briefcase.

“Listen, come back tomorrow if you need to, but I’m late, I need to go.”

“Well this sucks. I came here for answers and now you leave,” I said while being scooted out the front door.

The Wizard started to walk off leaving me on the sidewalk confused. Suddenly he turned around.

“All right, listen closely,” he said. “The answers to your questions will come in time. For now all you need to do is keep kickin’ it Mookie Style.”

“What the hell is that?” I said.

“Your graduating Marquette High School right?”

I nodded yes

“Well your mascot is named Mookie the Mustang correct?”

I nodded again.

“Just keep doing what you’ve been doing. Plugging away, working hard and having fun, like you have for the past four years and you’ll be fine. Make sure to keep your priorities strait though. Your accomplishments won’t mean anything if you don’t have anyone to share them with. See, everybody in this world goes on and on either working hard or avoiding work, just trying to be happy. Little do they realize that happy isn’t the car that they drive or the house they own, but the people and the love they surround themselves with. Life isn’t a pill you need to swallow once a day. Life is a carefree 4 year old crawling in the mud with his shirt tucked in looking for worms. Don’t forget that.”

I thought for a second looking down at the ground.

“Thanks,” I yelled to the Wizard. But he was already walking away.

All of that info pounded my mind into one big lump. It took at least 10 minutes of sitting down on the curb gathering my thoughts before I decided I was ready to go.

When I stood up, I realized that any anxiety, any worries, any insecurity had faded away.

“Mookie Style,” I thought, “Mookie Style.”